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True confession:

I saw “Magic Mike” last night. It was spectacularly awful, and the awfulness was not helped by the fact that there were only 12 people in the theater, so there wasn’t even a crowd reaction to help things along.

The acting was terrible (although Matthew M. was cheesily awesome (see picture below for evidence that there is plenty of cheese mixed in with the hot (waxed ’til they shine) bods)…kind of like the guy who played Cesar Flickerman in “The Hunger Games”…but not quite as good), the plot was MIA, and the ending…OMG, the ending. I will leave you with my exact words when I saw the credits roll (words that my friends said perfectly summed up what they were thinking, too):

“I sat through that crap for that?!?”

Matthew wears short shorts

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July 20, 2012 at 6:00 am

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The Hunger Games: the movie

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I know I said I had no interest in seeing The Hunger Games, that I was perfectly happy with my memories of the book. So I lied…sue me.

You see, HB wanted to go to the movies, and here in Morro Bay we have but one theater (all shows $8.00…and cheap popcorn!). And since HB rarely wants to go see a movie, and this is what was playing, I took him up on the offer to go see a movie.

He loved it. Seriously, he couldn’t stop raving about it.

I had more mixed feelings:

I hated Prim. I thought she was a whiny baby. Same for mom. I seem to recall she had a bit more oomph in the book? Not a lot, but some.

Cinna fell a bit flat for me (maybe it’s ’cause Lenny just isn’t the same without the dreadlocks? He just wasn’t oozing his usual cool.). Same for Haymitch (for god’s sake, Woody, where’s your usual over the top performance??).

Ironically, Katniss was also a bit flat, but that totally worked for me, since she’s flat in the book, too.

Although I was fully Team Gale for the books, I’m switching teams for the movie, and going with Peeta, who had the far superior performance. Of course, he got way more screen time. Which is unfortunate, since Gale was way cuter. The little shit. Although they both look dorky here:

Caesar Flickerman. Oh how I love thee. Hands down, the best performance of the whole movie.

Oh wait. Rue. Rue was awesome, too.

As was the Capitol. It was exactly like I imagined, full of ridiculous people with ridiculous hair.

I think my orange shoes could’ve had a starring role!

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April 24, 2012 at 6:00 am

Midnight in Paris

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I don’t know where I picked up my dislike of Woody Allen. Maybe it’s because I think he’s creepy? Whatever it is, I usually avoid his movies like the plague, so when my mom talked me into going to see Midnight in Paris with her, I told her I would be VERY UNHAPPY if he showed up in the movie.

So thank god he didn’t (show up), as that would’ve ruined a hilariously charming movie. Despite me being embarassed for Owen Wilson’s character on a regular basis (I know Wallace understands what I mean, as we’ve talked about that uncomfortable feeling that happens when you see people behaving in an awkward manner), I ended up loving the movie. It’s a reader’s dream. Almost literarily. Owen Wilson’s character (his name is Gil) is in love with Paris. He wants to move there and write a novel, but his fiancee would rather he stay in Hollywood and write screenplays so she can decorate their imagined Malibu home with expensive stuff. It’s a case of two people who don’t realize they can’t be more wrong for each other.

One night while out on a midnight walk, Gil is picked up by a car cruising by, and spirited off by his new friends Scott and Zelda. It takes awhile, but Gil finally tweaks to the fact that he’s hanging with the Fitzgeralds. And Cole Porter. And Hemingway. And on subsequent evenings, he meets Gertrude Stein (and Alice, though she didn’t offer him any brownies…I was disappointed), and Picasso, and Dali, and even Degas and Lautrec (and it took me awhile to tweak to the fact that he’d gone even further back in time for that trick).

Hemingway and Zelda were my favorites. Hemingway (played, believe it or not, by the bald detective dude from Law and Order LA) talked just like his prose, which was pretty hysterical, and poor manic Zelda was utterly charming in a doomed sort of way. There is also some gorgeous cinematography. I’ve been to Paris twice (pretty briefly, both times) and I’ve never fallen under it’s spell (I much prefer the more haphazard charms of London). But this movie does show it off quite well.

Photo by moi, 2005

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June 23, 2011 at 6:00 am

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Reader, I saw it

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What exactly did I see, you ask?

Why, Jane Eyre, of course. And if you plan on seeing it (or reading it), I suggest you just mosey on away from this post.

I’ve been waiting for simply ages for Jane Eyre to get to our neck of the woods (okay, wee exageration…but it felt like ages), and was able to talk my mom into going along (you’ve got to be kidding if you think HB was going to see this movie). And since we celebrated our version of Easter (basically, just an excuse for family dinner) two freakin’ weeks ago, we had no plans for Easter Sunday. So off to the movies we went.

Now I knew going into the movie that it started with Jane’s departure from Thornfield Manor. So other than the fact that most of the movie was then told in flashbacks, I still thought it was pretty faithful to the overall story. Except that huge chunks were missing. Of course, if said chunks were included, the movie would have been days long. Although there were a few things I was disappointed not see mentioned:


  • the Rivers siblings (I think I’m missing an apostrophe or two, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out were they go) true relationship to Jane (were they simplifying things, or trying to avoid the whole topic of cousin-love?)
  • Adele’s possible paternity (which made Rochester out to be more of a tortured soul than a callous man avoiding his possible daughter)
  • Miss Temple (you know, the one speck of kindness at Lowood)
  • Rosamond Oliver (because St. John came across as waaaaay too nice)
  • Reader, I married him (the classic line, and it was missing!!)

Overall, if you haven’t read the book, I think you’d miss great gobs of things that were alluded to in the movie (for example, St. John did hint at Rosamond, but if you didn’t know about her, you might’ve wondered what the heck he was talking about when he referred to something he did in the past year). Also, you might be wondering how Rochester and Jane managed to fall in love, seeing’s how they hardly ever spoke.

In general though, I did like it…but then, it’s the only film adaptation of the book I’ve ever seen.

Also…did anyone notice the hand warmer thingies that Adele and Jane were always wearing? I think I need some of those.

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April 24, 2011 at 8:13 pm

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In Bruges

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In Bruges is one of those films where you’re not really sure if you want to recommend it to someone. My mom, her friend and I (and most of the theater) really enjoyed it. But we were at the Palm, and in San Luis Obispo, when you say it’s a Palm movie, people instantly know what you’re talking about. Not necessarily mainstream, a little off, and sometimes weird.

In short, In Bruges is about two hit men holed up in Bruges, Belgium, after a job went bad. Ken is excited at the chance to play tourist…he thinks Bruges, in all it’s medieval glory, is wonderful. Ray isn’t so happy. Early in the movie he tells Ken, “If I’d grown up on a farm and was retarded, Bruges might impress me, but I didn’t, so it doesn’t.” When their boss, Harry, calls Ken and gives him an order things begin to get complicated. And the language gets even worse.

Colin Farrell is great as Ray, especially when he acts like a petulant little kid. In one scene Ken is playing tourist and trying to explain the significance of a church. Ray pouts on a pew, and makes noise by rattling chairs around. When Ken glares at him and tells him to stop, he slinks up to Ken, dragging his feet just like a little kid would.

Here’s another quote from Ray: “Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn’t be in fuckinBruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that’s what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fuckinBruges. And I really, really hoped I wouldn’t die. I really, really hoped I wouldn’t die.” Ray’s hatred of Bruges is a recurring theme in the movie, and it’s actually funny how much he loathes the town. Especially because they do a great job of showing Bruges‘ beauty. If you’re a traveler, it’ll make you want to plan to visit one day.

The movie has lots of blood, and lots of creative (and not so creative) swearing and politically incorrect language. Which probably says something about my maturity level. But in my defense, my mom liked it, too! So while I really enjoyed the movie, I have some reservations in telling anyone to go see it. But let me know if you do, and what you thought.

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March 30, 2008 at 9:08 pm

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Surf Night

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Last night HB and I went to Surf Night at the San Luis Obispo International Film Festival. Once again, it was a sold out event at the Fremont Theatre. The event was a tribute to 95 year old pioneer surf film maker Bud Brown, and featured his film Surfing the 50’s. After the movie there was to be a Q and A session with some of the legendary surfers. There were some amazing legends there, but there were very few Q and A’s. Mostly, it was just everyone talking about Bud Brown. Gerry Lopez, Peter Cole (who narrated the film), Fred Van Dyke, Joel Tudor, Linda Benson, Walter Hoffman, and Bruce Brown all spoke and Fred Van Dyke was hysterical. At 78 years young, he couldn’t stop talking about about how stoked he was. For the final question, someone asked how old everyone was. They went down the panel, and all of these so obviously mentally and physically fit people were stating their ages…all over 50, most in their 60s, and a few in their 70s. And then they got to Joel Tudor, who was embarrassed to admit he was 31. It was cute.

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March 14, 2008 at 10:47 am

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Really bad movie. Really.

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Hamburger has the remarkable ability to fall asleep with the tv tuned into arguably the worst movies ever. Now playing: Blade: Trinity. Wesley Snipes as some sort of vampire or vampire slayer. I can’t really figure it out, not that I’m trying that hard. But it’s one of those bad movies that I just can’t help but watch. Apologies to any fans, but good grief, Snipes just can’t act. Neither can Jessica Biel. Or Ryan Reynolds. Whoever they are.

Further proof that reading is much better than tv.

Wait…Dracula just arrived in the movie. This just keeps getting worser and worser (kinda like my grammar). Look, here he is…
Excuse me, I have to go snicker now. Or maybe find the remote.

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February 22, 2008 at 10:52 pm

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